today's a bad day.. a very very sad day.

i have learnt a very important lesson in life.

all thanks to the hours of tv programs i watched the day b4 it.
all thanks to the superstar events i go, which were near it.
all thanks to the online chatting i engaged in the day b4 it.
all thanks to the burning of midnight oil (till 3am) to try inserting everything into the brain..which has significantly proven to be useless.
i have no one to blame but myself.

why is this outcome liddat?
i actually did expect to get this kind of results
and even prepared for the worst tt i will fail
but is getting this results something to be worth happy about?

but the pple around me who are 3 times more hardworking
are scoring like 1 or 2 marks higher than me.
i feel not worth it for all their hard work
and shall i feel lucky for myself?

i think im suffering from depression.
i actually had some confidence in the paper
after flunking oral
and now with this kind of results.
lesson learnt: nv pin hopes high on anything.
yes. and this is indeed a terrible lesson.
which will make me suffer till JC

its pretty unfair to us.
unlike other subjects in sch,
the overall of this subj is calculated PURELY based on this paper
and wat sai marks i got?
just imagine.. having an OVERALL like tt.
i mean..
all the daily tests and stuff i always flunk them.
but usually until the exams, it would be better
and when the overall averages out evrything..
it usually turns out quite alright.
and now.. this is the ONLY paper
4 years studying this subject, only to get this kind of results
wat should i say?
this is going to be in my sec 4 year end report book
everyone's telling me to cheer up..thanks.
but how to?
i keep telling myself tt its alright, i'll just work hard for other subjects like math which is much much more important
but everytime i think of the times i struggle during these 4 years..
the tests tt clash with my sch subj tests and i struggled to finish studying
all the efforts i put in in the tests this year.
all WASTED just cos of ONE paper.
okay. juz ask me to go and die.
i wanna cry.
hey tt rhymes. -_-

the worst thing is..
im supposedly in the BEST class in sec 4.
and its like.. all the RG pple are getting at least an a1..
some even 80+
and some NY pple also not bad.
wat bout me?
flunked oral.
flunked paper.
i have no hope at all.

the most pek chek thingg (quoting ah xiang)
is tt i could have gotten SO many more marks for compre
one word wrong..means whole question wrong..even though the content is correct
but surprisingly i did quite well for free writing compo and just passed listening.
haha. okay. but oral, grammer and compre totally pulled me down like.. ALOT.

and another demoralising thing is tt
i think my chinese zuo wen is not correct
as in i think i will bu qie ti
cos i din focus on the feelings and problems
preparing myself for the worst..
like a 35/70 (tt is if i dun fail)
chinese prelims liddat.
jap EOY liddat
can someone lend me a shoulder
i wanna let it all out.

i hope 30th comes soon
it will cheer me up.. although it will end soon
and i hope peishan will go w me for the superstar thing next sat
hopefully when i see silver i will cheer up

now there's nothing i can do but to ZHEN ZUO!
yesss liting! u can do it!! work harder! watch less tv! dun chase superstars!

my foot lor. -_-
this is so called a failed attempt at self convincing

i'll try to work towards my goal of watching 2 hrs per day max (current is 5 hrs per day)
and i'll try to study abit here and there so tt i wun last min rush.
i'll try to use weiteng as my mu biao..
i'll try to finish my math revision booklet asap
i'll try to persuade myself not to go online so often
i'll try to resist the temptation of watching superstar-related videos.
i'll try to keep all the vcds so tt they wun tempt me
i'll try to unplug the radio so tt i wun listen to it

yah yah yah.
yay.
but pls pay attn to the first 2 words of each line

byebye.

[and if you need somebody..wo zhi dao wo hui zai... bu hui zou kai...]

16 days.