sigh. after reading ks's entry about how impt our happyfamily is..
i feel ashamed. cos happyfamily is no longer the upper most on my priorities.
i mean is like.. im alr q segregated from them liao.
den somemore now grounded le.
like wad time do we have to be tgt larh.
i cant even go for cca on sat also.
wth.
when ks asked me to jia you and go out after promos..
my first qn was not bout promos..but about whether i wanna go out ornot.
they're nice pple.. really..and i still love them alot
just tt they're seriously not v much the pple i wanna be now.
but i tink the only one i can still talk to is my bro..
crap during chem lect, sms alot at night talking bout hw, crapping online.
ks is like..away from us in the S7 world.
and fj.. haha bie ti le...i gave up long long ago.
despite ks and ly always wanting to include me..
perhaps i still prefer to self-isolate. haha.
and i dun get any random msgs from fj anymore.
last time we used to be damn crap..wad happened now
i guess she has just too many things to cope.
so although we still appear to be close.. its like..superficially close. yep.haha.
and i guess i have grown used to it.
but why does she have the time to write letters to ks then?
haha nvm. they're closer now. so i guess they have alot of things to talk bout.
which i will nv ever noe.
im juz sick and tired of always being the one trying to maintain this relationship.
ks is damn funny..always can cheer me up.
but sorry to say tt i no longer enjoy her company as much as b4.
its like i have grown to be some antisocial freak lar.wth.nvm.
and i lied tt i got something on on mon so tt i cant study with her.
i just dun feel like. omg. wat is happening to me?!
my bro is sick today..i miss her larh.
although she's closer to ks and fj also..
but i tink she's like also the closest one to me now la.haha


i decided to hide this blog for the time being.
cos i dun wanna hurt anyone again.


honestly speaking, ..although i dun show it anymore.. using my smile to cover everything..
im still unable to accept some things.
like my 5th yr good friend is closer to my other friend whom we knew only 2 yrs back. ok i admit this is jealousy okay. but both are my good friends. so i seriously hate myself for feeling this way.but i rly cant help it.
and my good friend has this v gd bf and she tries v hard to please everyone and balance between him and her friends..but she is hurting us unknowingly, ok maybe only me, who was once the closest to her, but not anymore.i seriously hope none of them reads this. otherwise she1 will cry again and she2 will abit mood swing and she3 will say things then i will feel super guilty cos i caused them to feel this way. im mean. okay. i seriously am. i just need to let this out. but wad i said is not v mean right? i hope...ahh im self convincing again.cos wad i said are really facts and not like purposely there to hurt yall. so i hope no one cries or anything even if yall see this.


i have decided to avoid them. not only to conc on promos, but also to reflect on our relationships..and the problems.

thus from now on..i shall juz conc on promos,61,402,dance cca and gefang and my random frens :) sorry..but i need sometime to cool down.